Start Your Own Band

Seriously. I'm sure not too many bands say this anymore, but we're definitely nothing special. Anyone could do what we do; hell, some people could even do what we do better than we do it. Unfortunately, not enough people do... and why not? I'd love to see punk and Oi! bands crop up all over western PA. You don't have to be "good" at playing an instrument to do 3-chord rock and roll. You don't even have to have any experience playing an instrument. All you need is... well, an instrument. That, and the desire to play it.

Here are some thoughts people tend to have
; stupid, asinine thoughts that keep them from starting a band:

1. "No one else in my town is into the music I wanna play..."

Fuck that. I'm sure there's someone out there who is into at least one or two bands you like. Put out an ad in the classifieds section of the newspaper. Put up a flyer advertising your desire to start a band (along with some broad influences and a phone number and/or email address where you can be reached) in various places around town. Most laundromats and smaller grocery stores have bulletin boards you can use. Ask local businesses if you can put up a flyer in the window. Post an ad on craigslist. Use MySpace/Facebook/message boards/etc. Someone is bound to come out of the woodwork.

Furthermore, different influences can be a good thing. Not everyone has to be into all the same bands, just so long as there are a few strong common ones. Don't forget, you can also introduce people to bands they've perhaps never heard before. Maybe they like bands that are similar to your influences. If you wanted to start a band similar to, say, The Queers, and they kinda like the Ramones, then make them a Queers CD to check out. Fuck it, make 'em a mix CD with the Queers, The Riverdales, The Zeros, Screeching Weasel, The Buzzcocks, Sloppy Seconds, early Donnas, Rezillos, the Undertones, etc.

If you can find people with somewhat "tolerable", yet still ultimately horrible taste in music, introduce them to bands you like, which might share some similar characteristics; also, keep in mind that some truly awful bands have, historically, been influenced by really good bands. Find out what your new bandmates' favorite band was listening to when they penned their first tunes. Chances are, it'll be stuff you yourself listen to. Once again, make that bitch a mix CD.

2. "I'm not a musician..."

Neither are we, fuck-o! Well, okay, maybe Andy and Ryan are, but Chris, Mario, and I definitely are not. We just know what we wanna do, and then we do it. We all taught ourselves to do what we do. You could very easily do the same thing.

Worst case scenario, you look up tabs for other people's songs, write down all the riffs you can actually pull off, Frankenstein-patchwork some of them together, and write some stupid lyrics of your own to go over top it all. Presto! You just wrote a punk rock song. Now get some gigs and annoy some people.

3. "I don't have an instrument..."

Go out, get a shitty job, save a couple paychecks and fucking buy one. Go to pawn shops, second-hand stores, flea markets, (once again) craigslist, your friend's basement, Walmart's toy department... it doesn't matter. It's not like you're gonna be playing with Santana. Sometimes the shittiest guitar can have the most personality.

4. "I do have an instrument but I don't know how to play it..."

Do what I did. Find out what chord a guitar plays when you don't press down on any frets (it's some variant of "E"). Now, most rock and roll/punk/Oi! uses what's called a "fifth chord", also commonly known as a "power chord". It's whatever note the chord represents (or the root), along with the fifth, and the octave (the same note as the root, only higher). If you don't know what that means, it's completely understandable. I hardly know it myself. But the point is, what a guitar is standardly tuned to is not a power chord. It's some really full-sounding, "pretty" chord that has absolutely no business in rock music. I think you'll agree that it must be snuffed out. Right now.

Basically, an E power chord would be, from the lowest note to the highest: E, B, and E. So, all you have to do is tune your guitar so that all of your strings are some variant of E or B when you play them without fretting (my guitar is tuned to E-B-E-B-B-e). Don't worry about playing anything but the 3 thicker strings. The other 3 thinner strings are just tuned that way so that they don't fuck up your tone while you play, in case you bump them accidentally.

(NOTE: Most musically-inclined people are going to read this and think I'm a complete moron, or that I'm destroying the sanctity of being a guitar player, or something equally pompous and elitist, but who cares about them any way?)

Now, if you strum the strings, you're playing an E power chord. If you press down on all of the strings (or the three thick strings, while resting your finger lightly on the thinner ones), with one finger, on any of the frets on your fret board, it will be a different chord.

Get some small alphabet stickers. You can put them on your fretboard to tell you what chord your playing. Here's how to label them:

The first fret is "F".
Skip the second fret, and the 3rd one is "G".
Skip the 4th fret.
The 5th fret is "A".
Skip the 6th fret.
7th fret - "B".
8th fret - "C".
Skip the 9th fret.
10th fret is "D".
11th... skip it.
12th fret should have 2 dots, and it is your octave. This means that you are back to "E".

All subsequent frets have the same pattern as all the previous ones, meaning the 13th fret coincides with the 1st, the 14th with the 2nd, etc. The frets without any labels are your sharps and flats. The only difference between a sharp and a flat is whether the note played before it was higher or lower ("sharp" means higher, "flat" means lower). Now string some chords together and soon enough you'll have a song.

This concludes your "Guitar for Inept Assholes" tutorial. For bass, or drums, or anything else, you're on your own.

5. "We have 2 members, but we can't find anyone to play (insert instrument here)..."

Usually it's bass or drums. I guess singing or playing guitar is what supposedly gets you the most play. But even though you're now a two-man hoochie-magnet, you can't very well go out and play without the standard guitar-bass-drums-vocal combo... or can you? You could always play the same kind of music you wanted to originally, only now label yourself as "folk punk". It doesn't even have to be an acoustic guitar (example - Billy Bragg). Guitar and vocals is all you really need.

In the case of only having any other combination of instruments (example - drums-bass-vocal), you can do one of two things:

1. Opt for something other than guitar to fill that position (organ? piano? accordion?)
2. Play without a guitarist altogether

Either way, people are just gonna think you're trying to be "arty". Extra punk rock points for getting really annoyed or pissed off any time someone suggests this.

If the only member spot you can't fill is the vocals, either draw straws to see who learns to play and sing at the same time, or become an instrumental band. Nothing should hold you back - nothing.

6. "We have a band, but no one around here likes what we play."

Play out of town gigs. Either that, or make it a point to play shows where you know no one will like you. Be really antagonistic and shout insults at the audience. Be as outrageous as possible. While doing all of this, take the stance of, "We're the greatest band in the world," even when you know you're not. I highly suggest this. It's some of the most fun you can have without any illegal substances.

7. "We have a band, and some songs written, but we're not good enough to play out yet..."

Bullshit!! Just get out there and do it!


Alright! Now you're ready to take on the world as a new rock and roll band! Make sure you get in touch with us so that we can have some new friends to share a bill with. Ideally, you'll blow us out of the water, and we can retire. Then we can tell people about the good ol' days, before your band showed up on the scene and changed everything.

Or something like that.

--Sam